Goals

I just realized I never shared what my current goal is. Since I officially weighed myself yesterday and realized I had 3 pounds more to lose than I had previously thought, I had to change my ticker that's right up at the top. My goal is 63 pounds - which means my goal weight is 150. I am going to try my hardest to make this goal happen by December 20, 2012. What's the importance of this date? I turn 30 that day. I want to make sure I enter the new decade of my life in the best shape I've ever been. I understand there is a long road ahead of me in this healthiness journey (it's a lifestyle change, not a temporary "fix") but this is the first road I have to take. Turning 30 will be a fork in the road and I am the only one that can decide the way I will take.

This is when it becomes not okay.

This morning I took a necessary step that I've been dreading - I weighed myself. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad. I weighed 213 on the nose. The last time I was this heavy was when I was pregnant with Parker. When I started my healthiness journey last time I weighed in at 212.8. Now, that means I gained all 30 pounds back PLUS 0.2. I know that 0.2 might not seem bad to you, but when it means I gained more than what I lost back - it becomes a problem.

The scale doesn't lie. (p.s. why can't I turn this picture around?)

I'm back on Weight Watchers as of today and plan on hitting up a meeting some time soon so I can get the new materials. I use the program from like 6 years ago (when I joined before we had Graycen) and am sort of interested in seeing what the Points Plus is all about - even though I hear it is changing again. 

I considered starting my membership at Snap Fitness up again, but decided it's not cost effective for me (read: I never go) I decided to buy an exercise bike instead. I am a person that loves using the gym machines and if I had one at home then I have no excuse not to use it. I plan on following the workout program that David is doing but would like this for some added cardio. I'm a cardio girl.

Alright, I better go. Time for me to start getting in my water so I can get this dang workout done for the day. 

Sticking to a plan is easy... when you make one

I'm such a ridiculous planner. I've noticed when I need to track my eating and water I have to plan everything. I open up my handy dandy Excel spreadsheet and start filling in the foods for the day (including their point value) - down to the snacks. If I make my meal plan I stick with it - 99% of the time! If I don't make a plan I have too many options and find it's very easy for me to veer off path.
This behavior happened this week already. I was making my meal plan on Tuesday and got side tracked by a super awesome website - SkinnyTaste - have you heard of it? I spent a good 1.5-2 hours on the site looking through all of the "normal" foods writing down titles so I could go back later and pull up recipes to make my meal plan off of it. There are so many meals and snacks on there that my whole family would eat - how wonderful!!!

Anyways... I didn't end up making my meal plan and have found myself aimlessly eating. No good. Now, here we sit on Saturday night and I have a cup of coffee that I'm finishing up, we just ordered some wings and cheesy bread from Domino's and the Vodka and Orange, Pineapple, Banana juice are waiting on the counter for me. Tomorrow is the ever-indulgent Christmas. I make Christmas breakfast and since we aren't going anywhere this year David requested chicken strips for dinner.

I guess I should finish up that damn meal plan so I can actually use it on Monday. That's when we go back to our regularly scheduled program since we have no plans for New Year's Eve.

28 going on 70

I have been telling myself that I'm going to start my healthiness journey again for quite some time, but I keep making excuses to halt the start-up.
I have some pretty important reasons to get it done this time. I have officially gained all 30 of the pounds I lost in 2009-2010 back; my knee is hurting way more than it ever has. Side note: I'm setting an appointment for a visit with an orthopedist as we speak; my clothes don't fit; I feel like crap; I'm beginning to notice how much harder of a time I have breathing when I'm going up the stairs - this is all just unnecessary.

My cousin and I are partners in our healthiness journey - which we agreed upon starting today. Well, she sent me a message on Facebook this morning telling me how she started already and made her meal plan. I made an excuse of how I was going to wait until Wednesday to start because I get a free entree at Noodles and free coffee at Caribou in celebration of my birthday tomorrow and I was taking advantage of them. If I keep starting 'tomorrow' I'll never do it. I just got pissed at myself and realized I need to do it now. So what I didn't measure my bowl of cereal this morning- I can still make the rest of the day happen. I am in control of my actions!

David has been supporting me and trying to cheer me on for so long and I keep falling short on my word. We bought a 90 day workout system from Best Buy a couple of weeks ago (totally a rip-off of P90X) for a super awesome mega deal (it came down to less than $7 with my discount) and we agreed we would both start it. He's gotten 13 days in and I have yet to pop it in. I owe it to him to keep my word and do it with him; I owe it to myself to keep my word and do it FOR me!

I saw this on Pinterest recently and it spoke to yelled at me. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm only 28 (ok, I'll be 29 tomorrow) I shouldn't hurt like this.

Excuses, excuses.

• I was going to run, but I have a headache. I could have walked instead.
• I was going to run, but the bathrooms were closed so I couldn't change my clothes. I could have gone to a store or even back to work to change my clothes.
• I was going to workout, but I didn't sleep well last night so I am tired today. I could have started it anyways. I always get into it as soon as I start.
• I was going to workout, but I didn't start drinking my water until about 15 mins ago. Who cares?! It could have been worse and I could have not had any water at all.
• I was going to run, but my iPod wasn't charged. I understand I'm using a program to run, but I'm pretty sure people have been running (and starting a running program) without their iPods and instructions for years. ;-)
• I was going to stick with my points, but I didn't have a lot of time to actually cook something for lunch. There's always a better option - even a bowl of cereal.
• I was going to start today, but messed up so tomorrow it is. Starting tomorrow is never the answer.

These are all excuses that I've made in less than a week. I'm sure there are more since I'm really good at making them, but these were the ones I could think of. If I don't hold myself accountable, who will? That's right! Nobody! Calling myself out on these stemmed from a quote that someone commented with on A Prior Fat Girl's blog. Totally what I needed for the day. There were a lot of other good ones, but this one really spoke with me today.

“If something is important to you, you’ll find a way. If it isn’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

I talk about how important this is to me so I guess now it's time to find make a way!

Because I'm worth it.

Hey there! I'm sure one day you'll stumble back over here and see that I made a post and go "What the....?!" I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't even remember my name! Hopefully you'll stick around because I've written so many more times after that and you're just so interested to see what's been going on, how I'm doing and the accomplishments I've made! Any way it works, I'm happy you're here. :-)

A memory from high school popped into my head the other day about how I was a junior going into my senior year of high school and I had gained about 15lbs over the course of the school year. I wanted to wear the size medium cheerleading uniform I already had instead of the large I was going to have to "upgrade" to. My motivation was getting to be the smaller size and as an addition, my mom told me if I was able to get into it I could get my belly button pierced (since she was anti having it done, but knew how much I wanted it) I had about 3 months to drop the weight (which was definitely doable with exercise and healthy eating) and I was very gung-ho for the first week or so with doing my Tae-Bo tapes daily and cutting back on the crappy food. I got tired of it and stopped. Hmmm... sounds familiar. This memory made me think about how I've been on a continuous weight loss journey/struggle for like the last 12 years. I did the same thing when I got engaged. Motivation to lose weight and I didn't do anything.
I have successfully lost 20+ pounds TWICE. The first time was about 6 months after Parker was born I started and by the time he was one I had lost 25lbs. The second time was last spring and into summer I lost 30lbs. Obviously I was worth it at those times, but why not now? I understand being a mom, wife, homemaker, money maker is all hard, but there is definitely time to do these things that will make my life, as well as my family's lives, better.
Over the course of the last year I have gained just more than half the weight I lost last year back and to me, that's sad. It officially became more than half when I weighed myself yesterday and I was at 196 (that's 16lbs back on) I worked so hard to get that weight off and just like that I chose to let it all go. In January I joined Snap Fitness with all of the intent in the world to work out at least 3 times per week there. Ha! I don't think I've worked out a total of 15 times there.
In March I booked a vacation for David and I to Las Vegas as well as a dip into California where my childhood best friend is getting married. I made a goal to finally finish losing the weight before we went. We leave in like 5.5 weeks for this vacation and I haven't gotten any closer to that goal since I made it 5 whole months ago.
My last ditch effort came last weekend when I ran to JC Penney to use a coupon that was going to expire. In the clearance section I found a dress that is just the kind I've been dying to wear and it would be perfect for Laura's wedding. Well, I bought the dress about a size too small and called it my "work my ass off dress" Well, it's been a week and a half and my butt ain't getting any smaller. Whose fault is this? Mine, of course. I still have 5.5 weeks to make it happen, I just don't think it's very feasible anymore.

I came to the realization recently that I don't have much self-worth and that made me sad. I take care of everyone and everything all of the time, but never myself. It's about time I become worth it.

I'm going to do it.

How many times can you revive a dead blog? Well, I guess it's for sure twice because I'm about to do it again.
I took a really long time off from this blog and it seems that as soon as I stopped writing I stopped tracking, I stopped working out, I stopped trying. Connection? I think so!
You know it's bad when I didn't even have to update the weight tracker that I have at the top of my blog because my weight is exactly the same as it was when I last tracked in June of last year. I gained about 11 pounds, but in the last month and a half I've taken it back off.
I've got less than 40 pounds left to lose and I know I can do it!!!

So, here we go - back to tracking, back to writing, back to trying. I take that back. No trying. I heard someone say "when you try you're giving yourself permission to fail." Well, I don't want to fail anymore. I'm tired of failing. I hate failure. It's time to change the cycle.
My husband would be proud to hear me quote Yoda here "Do, or do not. There is no try."

I'm not going to try, but I am going to do it!