Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Because I'm worth it.

Hey there! I'm sure one day you'll stumble back over here and see that I made a post and go "What the....?!" I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't even remember my name! Hopefully you'll stick around because I've written so many more times after that and you're just so interested to see what's been going on, how I'm doing and the accomplishments I've made! Any way it works, I'm happy you're here. :-)

A memory from high school popped into my head the other day about how I was a junior going into my senior year of high school and I had gained about 15lbs over the course of the school year. I wanted to wear the size medium cheerleading uniform I already had instead of the large I was going to have to "upgrade" to. My motivation was getting to be the smaller size and as an addition, my mom told me if I was able to get into it I could get my belly button pierced (since she was anti having it done, but knew how much I wanted it) I had about 3 months to drop the weight (which was definitely doable with exercise and healthy eating) and I was very gung-ho for the first week or so with doing my Tae-Bo tapes daily and cutting back on the crappy food. I got tired of it and stopped. Hmmm... sounds familiar. This memory made me think about how I've been on a continuous weight loss journey/struggle for like the last 12 years. I did the same thing when I got engaged. Motivation to lose weight and I didn't do anything.
I have successfully lost 20+ pounds TWICE. The first time was about 6 months after Parker was born I started and by the time he was one I had lost 25lbs. The second time was last spring and into summer I lost 30lbs. Obviously I was worth it at those times, but why not now? I understand being a mom, wife, homemaker, money maker is all hard, but there is definitely time to do these things that will make my life, as well as my family's lives, better.
Over the course of the last year I have gained just more than half the weight I lost last year back and to me, that's sad. It officially became more than half when I weighed myself yesterday and I was at 196 (that's 16lbs back on) I worked so hard to get that weight off and just like that I chose to let it all go. In January I joined Snap Fitness with all of the intent in the world to work out at least 3 times per week there. Ha! I don't think I've worked out a total of 15 times there.
In March I booked a vacation for David and I to Las Vegas as well as a dip into California where my childhood best friend is getting married. I made a goal to finally finish losing the weight before we went. We leave in like 5.5 weeks for this vacation and I haven't gotten any closer to that goal since I made it 5 whole months ago.
My last ditch effort came last weekend when I ran to JC Penney to use a coupon that was going to expire. In the clearance section I found a dress that is just the kind I've been dying to wear and it would be perfect for Laura's wedding. Well, I bought the dress about a size too small and called it my "work my ass off dress" Well, it's been a week and a half and my butt ain't getting any smaller. Whose fault is this? Mine, of course. I still have 5.5 weeks to make it happen, I just don't think it's very feasible anymore.

I came to the realization recently that I don't have much self-worth and that made me sad. I take care of everyone and everything all of the time, but never myself. It's about time I become worth it.

1 comment:

Kristie said...

I can totally relate to your feelings of having no self-worth and always putting others first. I do the exact same thing. I think it is just easier to do things for others. I struggle everyday with trying to find my own value. It is a work in progress.

I'm here witn you every step of the way!